Kevin has no memory of his life before copywriting. It has been said that he arrived on Earth in a small altoids tin, along with a receipt for sungalasses. However, based on interviews, two weeks of archival research, and machine analysis of the scars and abrasions on his elbows and knees, it can be said with a confidence interval of 95% that before his current life he was for many millenia an amoeba, a wooden spoon, and then a teacup.